a hope filled departure from 2020

The year started with a vibrant celebration for a “new year!” full of “new vision!”

“Here we come, 2020” - we were ready to begin a fresh new decade and this year was going to be a colorful year.

... kinda.

As I reflected on my (practically undocumented) year, I recognize the grief and the joy - but overall I see just how much of it I’m actually grateful for, even the hardships. I sifted through my doings and whereabouts and with some perspective from this end-of-December-altitude, I actually recognize the painful goodness along with the beauty that came with the year.

If we don’t sit with what hurts,

if we don’t show up and have real, raw conversations about the pain,

if we don’t do this and resort to superficial investments to numb,

then we won’t ever heal.

I don’t believe once the ball drops at midnight and that “0” ever so effortlessly switches to “1” there will be some magic fairy dust that sprinkles over our tear stained cheeks and heavy hearts to grant us immediate change. But I do believe with my whole heart that 2020 is a profound and heavy building brick that belongs in the story of shift and change as we grasp each others freshly sanitised hands and crawl our way closer to greatness.

Here’s my list of reflections, that I hope and pray inspire you to sit and create a list of your own.

The beauties and the breakdowns all belong and show us something. I believe that something is the strong muscle of gratitude and hope.

January

I rang in the new year around a table full of some of my favorite faces. I felt a sense of family & home away from home.

A squad I cherished, finished their 11 month long journey and ended up concluding with games and festivities that I got to host in my own living room. We topped it off with poetry, requested by yours truly ;)

I had a moment, and where deep hurt and betrayal used to live, yet thanks to some grit through forgiveness, I got to witness a healing moment where I watched and celebrated a friends new season with only pure joy living in my heart. Thanks God.

I dreamed. A lot - a sure fire way to know that I’m healthy and well and thriving.

February

I listened to my heart and took a huge stand to educate myself further on the topic of Black history. I was grieved. And angry. And vocal. And it stirred up a lot of conversations around tables with friends.

I met Yusef Salaam, one of the exonerated 5 from the Central Park scandal. Such an incredible human.

I frolicked in the snow with my GA friends! I don’t love snow but when it falls fresh and disappears in 24 hours, I’m all about it.

I helped plan an engagement for one of my dearest friends.

I had a major breakdown, which prompted inner work, which turned into a breakthrough. *hint, this can happen every time when we listen ;)*

I prophesied.

I was prophesied over.

I laughed a lot.

I grieved a lot.

I painted.

March

I planned an adventure.

It was cancelled due to Covid.

I bought roller blades instead.

I cried.

I strapped up my boots and got to work. And participated in helping 500+ humans get home safely during a global pandemic. (READ THAT AGAIN BECAUSE THAT’S BADASS)

I cried some more.

I danced.

I was alone. But not lonely. (Also badass)

I painted and painted and painted and then sent prophetic pieces all over the US.

I worshipped. So much.

April

I chopped my hair off. Release.

I read stories and devotions virtually to anyone who wanted to tune in and listen.

I pursued a dream and ventured into the realm of listening to my body and learning about her and teaching others how to do the same For themselves. Enter, yoga instruction.

I met my favorite creative, virtually, and got my pictures taken from Jeremy Cowart.

I went to the beach. Those pastel colored Florida sunsets healed something in my spirit.

I woke up with Easter in my spirit. if you don’t know what this feels like, it feels magical.

May

I started believing in the small and growing seeds of His promises. Enter - feather finding. (SO MANY FEATHERS!!!)

I hiked and built an Ebenezer.

I released some more and ended up letting go of something I thought I was too exhausted and scared to let go of. Lots of tears. More breakthrough. See blurry, sunburned picture to document tear stained eyes and happy heart.

I discovered my unknown gift in prophetic vision as my intense grief for my Black brothers and sisters resurfaced from February and my righteous anger came alive as I watched through my salty sea filmed eyes as George Floyd gasped for breath. RIP warrior.

June

I celebrated my favorite nugget’s 1 year birthday.

I began the journey of awareness of my “type” and painfully unraveled why the heck I had such compulsion (and delusion) to continually seek after men that actually aren’t seeking a lifestyle I’m trying to create. This was a clearly helpful moment of awareness. (I could rant about this for a very long time, but we’ll just keep it at, it’s a long story.)

*insert nervous laughter*

I marched on MLK street in Atlanta for and with my Black brothers and sisters. I prayed. I wept. I dreamed. I wept more. I seriously feel that, perhaps I lived in Atlanta simply to witness that very healing and profound moment. A moment my forefathers dreamed of. It was painfully beautiful, and it doesn’t end there. We must keep fighting.

I released some more and worked my last day at Adventures in Missions, while I simultaneously peacefully plunging into the unknown. Enter unemployment.

July

I. HAD. THE. TIME. OF. MY. LIFE. *insert dirty dancing soundtrack*

I celebrated the 4th with incredible humans and created memories that I will cherish forever.

I did really hard things, with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. Even harder. Supernatural peace is the only explanation.

SO MANY FEATHERS, STILL.

I laughed. So much.

I got back into my body.

I prophesied some more. Enter sweet, sweet, sweet moments of deliverance. Thanks God.

I used my voice to speak again to speak against manipulative injustice, and stand for unity. RIP Pinar Gültekin

August

My heart broke for a friend, only for a moment, before community spoke truth and prayed bold prayers along with me.

I cried while I PRAYED HARD.

And put on my running shoes in hopes to find answers.

Enter - breakthrough. Perhaps the biggest in 14 years. Thanks God.

That feather pictured? That ones for her And I can’t wait to tell her about prophecy & answered prayers one day.

I went back to the beach. This time Alabama. Still just as healing.

I celebrated covenant with SO many humans I have deep love for.

I spent time with family in Colorado, favorite place.

I hiked a mountain, unbeknownst to me, with COVID. And did some yoga. And started feeling terrible, but assumed it was smog infested altitude sickness. I kept hiking.

Our bodies are crazy. Thanks God for making us so freaking complex.

Confirmed COVID. And it sucked. But it could have been WAY worse and the fact that it wasn’t makes me very, very, very thankful.

FEATHERS. FEATHERS. FEATHERS.

September

WORK. WORK. WORK. All of which I never applied to and yet 3 incredible opportunities quite literally landed in my lap. Oof. Thanks God.

Officially official, I became a yoga instructor. *weeps*

Low Key b-day celebrations, High Key excitement for a new, healing, decade full of abundance.

October

Trauma. Grief. Major trigger moment to the worst time of my life. But this time, I remained steadfast in faith through exhaustion. I kept lethargically showing up to the table with Papa. Something eerily unexplainable, but I’m grateful for the supernatural energy from Jesus nonetheless.

I participated in healing moments around tables where my shelved dreams sparked back to life. Thanks Yogipreneurs & Jesus.