Don’t be afraid of the healing

I sat down in the waiting room. Slightly wincing from pain. Slightly still a teensy-weensy sedated from the muscle relaxers.

Anxious.

Was I going to get in trouble from my physical therapist for overdoing it?

He took one perplexed look at my crooked stance and told me to sit down and do my PT exercises.

“I’m not sure what I can do right now” I nervously mumbled.

“Just prop your feet up and relax. Once you let it go, you’ll be surprised with what you can do,” He says confidently.

I roll my eyes.

“Let it go”

The phrase the whole crew keeps repeating to me with every paid visit.

Therapist.

Doctor.

Chiropractor.

Physical therapist.

Jesus, Himself for God’s sake (pun intended)

“Let it go.”

A wellness cocktail, if you will.

I prop my feet up.

Moments later I relax.

Within minutes I start my PT exercises, with only a little discomfort, already feeling eons better than I did when I walked in.

“Even when there’s pain, don’t be afraid of your PT exercises. They help you. They’re what  give you relief and heal your body properly.”

Well, frick.

I’ll be processing that metaphor for weeks, doc.

Mind you,

48 hours prior I was practically bedridden.

From stepping off a treadmill wrong, can you believe it?!

Alas, this is 32.

Welcome! Please, weakened joints make yourself right at home. Snuggle in and invite all your friends, water retention and hormone tomfoolery. Thank you for coming to the party!

Okay so it wasn’t just stepping off the treadmill wonky.

It was a little bit of a lot of things.

I lifted too hard.

I ran too hard.

I did a little too much, all without rest in between.

And this time I’ve learned that when you don’t create a space of rest for your body, your body will create some time and space for you.

So back to this horrifically embarrassing moment, I’m at the gym.

Doing too much with an already aching SI joint (back pain.)

I row through pain.

I lift through pain.

I run through pain.

Minor pain, but still pain.

I finish my workout and step off this treadmill.

Pop! Goes my left side.

Immediate tension all throughout my midsection.

I stretch what I can muster post-workout and wobble to my car, pathetically.

(Keep reading btw, I promise this story has a moral.)

I get home, take some ibuprofen and sit and wait to see if the pain dies down any.

It only gets worse.

I wobble to my car to drive to my parents.

“If I can just get to my safe place, the jacuzzi bathtub (where I seem to be writing all my recent blog posts lately), and see if that eases any pain” I think to myself.

10 minutes into my drive down the highway my right hand suddenly starts to tingle. Then my left. Then my face.

My hands start to tense up.

Almost to the point of being frozen in place.

I quickly pull off to the side of the road to call my mom. I can barely grip the phone.

“Siri, call mom” I force my jaw open to speak.

My heart is beating fast.

My body is completely frozen in place.

But my mind is all there.

“Mom, i need you to come get me, I think I’m going into shock?” I mumble through stiffened face muscles.

5 minutes later, I relax completely.

Hours later I’m sitting in Urgent Care retelling the whole story.

I literally ask the Physicians Assistant sitting across from me “was I dying?”

To be a fly on the wall.

How does he even keep a straight face. How many of my kind does he see everyday? Lol oh the drama. He is polite. He does not laugh. He takes me seriously.  But the explanation of “panic attack” comes out of his mouth, and suddenly I’m not nearly as relieved as I’d hoped I’d be for answers.

Panic attacks.

I’ve had my fair share of those.

And, for the most part, conquered them with therapy.

But ApPaReNtLy NoT.

So, when my PT metaphorically tells me with confidence, “don’t be afraid of your PT exercises, don’t be afraid of healing…” it simultaneously makes me feel agitatedly nervous and calmly reassured.

But I suppose that’s the same for the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

Even where there is pain,

Don’t be afraid of the healing.

The healing will be uncomfortable.

But it will set things straight.

Discomfort and pain are not synonymous.

And my money is more on the fact that they just might be opposites.

Because while pain does damage.

Discomfort heals.

It’s what produces growth.

Comfort was boring anyway.

So,

Take it from me.

Find some space to rest.

Don’t ignore the pain points.

Kick your feet up once in a while, relax.

And where there is pain,

don’t be afraid of the healing.

Take care and talk soon,

L

** I’m currently typing this one week later from the incident, post-dreamy-yoga-sesh, only mildly uncomfortable from time to time and sitting in my safe space, the bathtub.