the wilderness

“Have you brought me out here to die?”

Okay, that’s dramatic.

But I’m in a season that definitely feels like wilderness.

One year ago I was sitting in a hammock, in the cool Caribbean breeze, reflecting on the last nine months of incredible travel through three different continents.

This year is much, much different.

At the root of all sin is the doubt that God is not good, that His words are not true, that He is not Who He says He is.

I have definitely found myself to be in a season of my fair share of doubts.

Last year in that hammock I remember reading through Numbers- which is a book that records the wandering of the Israelites in the desert for 40 years.

It is said that this journey that they took could have taken 40 days or less traveling by foot.

"What the hell were they doing?" You might be wondering, much like myself.

I remember reading through this book and wondering why they complained often. Throughout these 40 years, God’s provision is all over the place. Manna (food) was provided daily, their clothes never wore out- God was, quite literally, taking care of them.

Recently I was brought back to this particular piece of scripture.

I’ve heard it said that crossing the Red Sea was the first water baptism recorded in scripture. If I lost you here, keep reading.

The Israelites came out on the other side of the water and watched 400 years of slavery drown. When you’re baptized, speaking from a Christian perspective, you bury the old man and a transformation begins. “No longer a slave” but a “son or daughter.” Of course this isn’t an immediate change, but it’s the traditional act that signifies a shift.

The Israelites walked out of the water and were immediately led into the wilderness.

“Did you bring us out here to kill us” was their reaction to their newfound freedom.

On my race, I actively walked out of shame. I was healed from a lot of brokenness and so much truth was revealed to replace lies I’ve believed in my 20+ years.

Yet, here I am, feeling much the same as the Israelites.

“God, are you sure this is where you want me?”

“Have you brought me here for nothing?”

I still face doubts all the time.

Yet I look around and His protection and provision is interwoven through all of the details.

I don’t think God brings us into wilderness seasons to kill us. I think He brings us into the wilderness to kill off lies.

He’s proven Himself to be faithful up until today, I am sure, in this wilderness season, He will do it again.