Doubts, Dreams and Doing the thing

"Every creative person, and I think probably every other person, faces resistance when they are trying to create something good...

the harder the resistance, the more important the task must be."

Donald Miller

A few months ago I wrote my dreams down. All the impossible, scary, whimsical dreams that made me laugh to even put on paper. One of them: Go out to the nations and tell stories of what God is doing.

I've now been traveling for 11 months, and I have experienced 11 countries throughout Africa, Asia, Central America and the Caribbean - all places full of stories to share. Through this year new dreams have been coming to light and with that - new doubts come too.

"Who would teach you?"

"Who would hire you?"

"If you write this blog and tell everyone your dream and you fail - then what will people think?"

These questions and doubts have been attempting to rule my thoughts daily for the past few months. I can feel the walls of my inner doubt and society's rules close in on me. Today people associate dreams with fairytales - they can seem fluffy and distant. Once you mention an ambition that doesn't fit the status quo, people instantly start thinking about the obstacles that will get in the way.

Then I'm reminded of 2 years ago when I had one of these seemingly unattainable dreams. I felt drawn to leave everything for an 11 month mission trip across the world. I had never gone on a mission trip and I only had basic biblical knowledge. Despite being 'unlikely' - I did the thing. God used that dream and shaped me to closely resemble the women He created me to be.

I'm sitting at the end of what used to be just in my imagination. Although it's the end of this chapter, the story doesn't end here.

Of course, God is still good if none of the desires I penned on that paper come to life. He can be glorified no matter my location or job status. I've learned that my joy is not dependent on my situation. Once I'm able to hand my pursuits back - the anxiety that comes with the "what ifs" have no power over me.

The reality is I've realized everyone has a story to tell. People just want to be known and heard and I've learned the importance of looking deeper than what I see in front of me. The stories I love the most are when someone opens their pages and lets you into their book. They point to their lines and markings and show you the moments that transformed them into who they are.

The more I seek these chronicles - the wider my lens becomes. When we pass the story on, everyone can then better understand and get a glimpse of the world through a stranger's eyes. Narrow can turn to panoramic by shining a light into the blind spots with our illustration of life. This can not only give insight into their world but also lend perspective into your own as well.

I've learned how much our testimony matters. When I'm real and raw about my own life it opens the door and creates a safe place for others to feel like they're not alone. The best feeling is when you share your story and find a "me too" on the other end. It's like wrapping your roots around theirs so you can both stand stronger together. Stories connect people no matter their culture or background.

After I left my comfortable bubble, I witnessed how much hurt and brokenness our world holds. For me, experiencing this first hand brought the reality that our world needs to hear the engraving of hope in the midst of struggle. Our experiences show our scars, but more importantly they show how we have healed and become stronger from our worldly wounds. Sometimes it takes leaving the comfortable and taking the blinders off to find ourselves and our passions clearly.

My wanderlust has given way to direction and purpose. I've always enjoyed writing, but through this journey I decided to give videos a shot. Each month, I've been soaking in my travels through a camera lens. A new passion quickly came into focus. Whether I was teaching in Thailand, surfing in South Africa, singing and dancing with children in Lesotho, sleeping in tents in Swaziland, eating tarantulas in Cambodia or just living life with my friends - I’ve loved expressing the patchwork of sights and sounds from different cultures and adventures. The more I try to accurately capture a moment, the more I realize my craving to share stories through video.

I feel a sense of responsibility to run after this thing that makes me feel like I've found my footing. I love the pursuit of angles, lighting and music to best display the moment I'm in. I know God put this desire in my heart for a reason and I can't ignore it. The hilarious thing is I have no idea what I'm doing. Nada.

I've been videoing on an iPhone that's constantly running out of storage, I don't have 'proper' equipment, software or previous education in videography - BUT it's okay because my shortcomings bring glory to God. The cards are stacked against me, but they show that there's no possible way I could make this happen on my own. The apertures are there - I'm just letting His light pass through.

Yup, those are my dreams. They may seem fluffy and distant now, but I'm willing to let God gracefully lead me while we dance though the next chapter together. I pray I can continually climb out of comfortability and karate kick fear and doubt in the gonads.

When I'm asked, "what's next?" The honest answer is I'm still not sure yet... I'm still in the process, navigating through unknown waters as I get ready to go home. What's clear to me is that I plan to dig deeper into my creativity, and learn more about storytelling with videography and writing. I want to seek out and listen to stories while living a better one myself.

So my encouragement to you is:

Go out. Do the thing. Explore. Experience. Listen. Soak it in. Widen your lens. Find your passion. Pass it on and never ever let fear win.