exploring the definition of empathy

Anyone notice a growing trend with the use of the term “empath?”

No? Just me?

Well I wasn’t concerned until I began to notice the term was often followed by a laundry list of ways to “self-care.”

The end.

Like, wait a second?

By definition “empathy” is focused on others. Not oneself.

There have been too many occasions I’d like to admit in my recent past where I’ve witnessed or been victim myself to gaslighting conversations with people who identify as “empaths.”

And you know what?

Despite their faults and moments of negative behaviour, they’re not all wrong.

As I studied culture and ultimately those around me, I noticed that there’s a lack of security. There’s a lack of perspective that someone out there is taking care of us. Whether it be childhood trauma, loss of friends, grief - whatever it is, I noticed an overstimulation of “self-care” because ultimately there’s this perception that “I have to take care of myself or no one else will.”

Now, this may sound dramatic. And I’m REALLY zooming out here.

There’s this theme within our culture that we have to take care of ourselves and also, we are OBSESSED with identity.

We are desperate for a title to place on ourselves and attach it to our identity.

Practically anywhere where there’s human interaction, you‘ll stumble upon conversations like 

“I’m a ______”

introvert

extrovert

7 wing 6

1 wing 2

INTJ

ENFP

EMPATH

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a self-care-hater. Self-care is important. Boundaries are necessary. None of this is inherently bad or wrong.

But what confuses me is the fact that so many perceptions of the term linked to “empathy” are actually just a compiled list of really self-serving tendencies.

Which is the complete opposite of empathy.

Empathy is defined as “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.” (Miriam- Webster)

The reality is, every single human in this universe has the capability to exude narcissistic tendencies and/or empathetic tendencies.

It’s when we let our ego get ahead of ourselves that we show narcissism. And it’s when we grow free and confidently into our Truest Self that we show empathy.

“Self-care” won’t get you very far. When we place so much emphasis on and get lost in caring for ourselves, we forget others. Which is what empathy is all about. But if we get so lost in being empathetic with no foundation greater than ourselves to rely on and take care of us and find our identity within, we fall victim to narcissism.

So, where does one turn?

If we can’t find our identity and security in labels,

and we can’t rely on self-care to fulfill us,

where do we go?

As a follower of Christ, I don’t understand any other way to avoid getting lost in the whirlwind of confusion from the shifting tides of culture.

There’s always a new ideology, a new form of therapy, a new way of doing things, new terms, new etc etc etc

And it’s not all bad.

But in order to find something steady, something solid, something consistent and powerful to remain confident in,

it is none other than Christ and His message.

I can be empathetic, self-sacrificial, caring and put others before myself each and every day and still know that my bucket never has to grow empty.

I can rely on a Higher Power other than myself to guide me and lead me and give me wisdom and discernment for the boundaries I need to uphold in my life.

I can seek the Divine in order to come back to and remind myself of who I am, my worth and ultimately my unchanging identity because the Omnipotent has declared it over me since the beginning of time.

Does this sound at all relieving?

Does it sound like a breath of fresh air?

Does it sound like true peace?

Because though the road is narrow and challenging and at times difficult,

it is a divine, mysterious adventure that is full of authentic Love.

Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum of narcissism vs empathy

I pray you discover an abundance of Grace and Peace and Love.