only wants to live

It’s January 2nd.

I lay in my warm bed staring at the overcast, misty fog outside my window.

A cozy, serene picture displaying all is right in the world.

2023.

She’s here.

2020 brought her morning sickness.

2021 came with a growing belly and backaches.

2022, with her heartburn and hemorrhoids and a concoction of happiness and hysteria with anticipation of what is to come.

Like a slippery, screaming newborn

2023 has emerged into the world.

Last week I sat down and scribbled out a list of goals and intentions. You know, as one does at the turn of a new year. I sat and thought of all the things that made me feel discouraged or disgruntled in years past and what I can do to change them for this year.

More of this, more of that.

Not good enough here.

That was good, let’s increase it to an unattainable amount there.

But as I stared into the eyes of 2023

with my high demands of perfection and expectations of life without mess

I realize

she is just a baby.

She only wants to live.

When I look into the future, I can’t see too far. And I have learned that I quite like it that way. Like an adventure without purchasing a plane ticket.

Life comes at you with her unexpected surprises of joys and griefs. And life is what you make it.

I have an opportunity to grow in 2023,

but she will not morph me into my fabricated “perfect” self. The mess is what makes us human. And the fabricated self is uninteresting anyway.

So here’s to letting go the misfortunes of the past. Here’s to the bumps along the road, the mountains and valleys; the sleepless nights and dirty diapers along with baby giggles and wide eyed wonder that 2023 may bring.

With only a 24 hour time period in I have learned  that New Year’s resolutions are much more about stewarding well what we already have.

The butterfly is already within each of us. We don’t have to change and become something we never were. We can grow and become what we were all along.

Cheers to letting go of the façades of perfection and becoming even more human

mess and all.

Happy new year!

Take care and talk soon,

L