Forgiveness, horse trailers
photo by Trent Hancock
I bet you’ve never felt bitter towards anyone.
Me either. Never happens.
But I sometimes wonder why the disciples of Jesus had such a hard time with forgiveness. The disciples watched Jesus multiply bread, hush storms and heal people. But somehow when it came to forgiveness they got bent out of shape.
Peter must have been proud when he asked Jesus if seven times was a good amount to forgive someone. Seven sounds good. It’s symbolic and beautiful. It feels holy. So, maybe Peter was thinking he would get a gold star. That didn’t happen. Instead, Jesus responds…
“No way. Seven? Try seven times seventy."
Forgive a bunch of times? That’s cool. Instead, why don’t you just blow the lid off of your paradigm of forgiveness.
The disciples cry out for more faith.
“What? Impossible. We can’t just forgive people with no end in sight. We will need divine help for this.”
Yes, forgiveness is tricky.
It reminds me of horses.
Our equestrian friends don’t take well to trailers. I don’t blame them. It’s not exactly an open field. Thus horses often create a scene when you try to load them in.
“No way. I’m not going in there. Can’t do it. Where I am feels better.”
The trick with a horse is to honor whatever they can tolerate. You walk them to the trailer. You just let them see it. The horse takes a breath and decides that’s all it can do.
“No problem,” the savvy owner says. “We can take it slow.”
But sometimes miraculous things happen one step at a time.
The horse is turned around and led back to the same spot, maybe just a bit closer. The horse’s threshold increases and the duo makes another circle.
With time, the horse sniffs the ramp.
Then it might put one hoof on. Then two.
Halfway up the ramp. Back down.
Several more circles and this horse locked in and cruising.
Let’s give it a whirl, you and I.
Is there anyone you need to forgive? Whoever and whatever comes to mind will do. Maybe it seems small and petty. Maybe it’s a big one that’s been around for a while. Just roll with it.
With that person in mind, can you feel whatever you feel? For now, we don’t have to find any magic bridge to other side of healing. We’ll just feel what we feel. Kind of upset. Pissed off. Whatever.
What did you need in that moment of offense? What button was pushed, boundary crossed? What would have meant healing instead of destruction?
You deserved healing. I’m sorry it didn’t go well. Give yourself a moment to be upset. Give yourself permission to need whatever you needed.
Now, what happens when you bless your offender? Can you even go there? Is it too sensitive? Maybe you’d you rather say “Screw you. I hate you.”
Just notice that and be with it.
Maybe you’re able to bless this person. All this means is you want good for them. It doesn’t mean there’s no consequence for what happened. It doesn’t mean tossing all your boundaries. We’re just talking about heart territory. We’re talking about letting go of a load.
You don’t have to feel a certain way for this to work. If all you do is say “I want good for this person” even though you’re still furious, that’s fine.
Or maybe you’re not ready to even entertain something good happening to them. That’s alright. Your step was just to see the trailer today.
There’s a reason Jesus talked about this. There’s a reason it stumped his closest followers. This is difficult work.
But God is bright in this area. If you want to see God, be in the forgiveness business. It’s not easy, but it’s beautiful even if it takes a hundred tiny steps.
Jesus, thank you for showing me what it means to forgive. Thank you for showing me how important and difficult it is to keep my heart light. Thank you for showing me that it is possible with grace.
Amen.